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I'm flying to Florida for a minute on Thursday to tape an interview with BALANCING ACT on the Lifetime Network, then borrowing a friend's living room to tape an interview with LX New York on Friday morning. This means that each day this week I have to do some spiff-thing. Hair yesterday. Face today. Manicure tomorrow. I hate having my nails done. They are more responsibility than I am capable of.

I seem to gotten back into my life however, which feels good. Finally put my suitcase away, as well as rain boots, which I won't need until March. Small things but proactive because they're one-offs. I don't have to do them again.

What doesn't feel good is the profile that came out in Marie Claire yesterday. I should have known I was in trouble when my interviewer said the title of the book embarrassed her so much that she folded the cover of the galley back when she read in on the train.

I come away from this tiny piece (and they insisted on exclusivity, meaning no other magazine with a little more listening power will get the chance to file THEIR tiny profile) looking like I take no responsibility for my weight, that I'm skipping thuddingly through life chanting, "It's not my problem! It's not my fault!"

What I said, what I say in the book and every chance I get, is that it is not my fault but it IS my choice and my responsibility. I can seek treatment and I've been stubborn about it. I know what works for me and I haven't done it. THAT is my fault.

But not according to MARIE CLAIRE.

I got a better shot at saying this in a Q&A with True/Slant (see link to your right) It slightly ameliorates the humiliation of MARIE CLAIRE except that readers can write back.

This is the first reaction, a really crap way to start the day: "Maybe, you have a health issue? Or maybe, get your fatty assy and get busy sweetie.. lol."

Now to be fair, other people took umbrage at this reaction but so did I -- and I HAVE to, this time. I've stayed out of fat-phobia trolldom because I know what a trap it is. Fat Person responds logically; phobic responds sarcastically, meanly, smugly. But right now, whether I like it or not, I am one of the representatives to the Congress of Body Issues.

It's also good to engage for publicity reasons, which I feel chagrined to admit. & it's a blood-sucking use of time.

I don't think I've had one interview yet in which the interviewer had either A) gotten the facts straight, or B) read the book. And there is one huge point I can't let anyone get away with concerning me. In PASSING FOR THIN, I wrote that obesity "is not my fault. But it is my responsibility."

Interviewers zero in on half that statement and, in the case of ANGRY FAT GIRLS, they do so at the cost of listening to the science of biology, brain chemistry, addiction, and chemistry. I wanted to find out what made me and other women relapse and some of the answers are found in science.

What makes us recover, however, is found in our willingness to take steps.

Golly I wish I had that willingness today.
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